Thursday, July 31, 2008

Today we find out.

Today is our dating ultrasound. We find out how far along we are and our due date. For some unexplained reason I'm very nervous. I had a thought flitter through my head yesterday that this is twins, maybe that is why I'm nervous. I'm not sure I could handle that news, being pregnant is enough of a shock.
DH has admitted to being excited. I had to admit I wasn't there yet. I'm still not. Is that bad or wrong? Maybe it has to do with our history of miscarriage or that I know what is to come in the form of all things pukey. I just can't get past terrified right now. I thought by admitting it to the cyber-world that I would be forcing myself past that, but it didn't work. I'm scared to death.
Early Monday morning I was in the ER for fluids & then I was in OB again Monday afternoon for more fluids for a total of 3 bags of fluid. This before we even have a due date.
Did I mention that my blood pressure has been high this week? Yep, I've never had high blood pressure in my life, but now I'm so freaked my pressure is rising.
I may have to break out the Thai Chi DVD just to calm my ass down.

Deep breath . . . in . . . out . . .

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Psst, psst . . . I have a secret . . .

And it is HUGE! But I know I can trust all of you, because you don't know any of my real life friends and if you do I know you won't say anything, because that just isn't who you are. I can trust you, right?!?! This is big, well bigger than big, you may want to sit down.

You see, here's the secret . . . I'm pregnant. Yep, that's right I'm with child, knocked up, having a baby. I know we thought we were done, too, but obviously someone had other ideas. We are still in shock, but no one had a heart attack, so we are leaning towards "We're happy." We are not at "We're thrilled." yet, but this hit us out of no where.

Here's a little background for those of you who don't know my history:
I hated being pregnant. I was sick the entire time and was on the second highest dosage of Zofran they can give. The Zofran made it so I wasn't throwing up all day, but I was still queasy. I had so many IV treatments that I had to have a PIC line put in so they wouldn't have to give me IV's in my feet. To make things worse, Trinity was breach for most of the pregnancy and was using my gall bladder as a pillow. They thought that there was a chance I would have to have surgery removing my gall bladder after I gave birth. Thankfully that didn't happen. Overall, I was miserable the entire pregnancy.

So, from very early on in Trinity's pregnancy I made sure everyone knew I was having an only child. You couldn't pay me enough to be pregnant again, yet here we are and absolutely no money has changed hands. Okay that isn't entirely true, because the pharmacy now has the majority of my money & by the time this pregnancy is over I'm sure they will own my house, too. (Zofran is EXPENSIVE!).

Starting last year I've been having unusually long cycles. One was 6 months last year and this year it was 3 1/2 months, but I don't deal well with hormonal birth control, so that was out as an option. We've been using protection, but apparently not enough. I started feeling like AF was showing last week, but nothing. Yesterday I had to run down to the drug store for some paper towels for the studio & some voice in the back of my head said "Something is off in your body, you should test." So I bought a test, peed on a stick, fell off the toilet (I hadn't finished peeing when the positive showed up) and promptly called the clinic. I have a history of miscarriage, so I always have a blood test done. My hcg levels are 2713 & I go in for a dating ultrasound next week. We aren't telling anyone, because of our history of miscarriage, the fact that we are still in shock so 'congratulations' seems hollow, and because we have no freaking idea when we are due.

So, there it is, our secret & it is a whopper isn't it. Now I know it is hard to keep a secret, but I must insist on you not telling ANYONE. After all, what if my family found out - eep!

Monday, July 7, 2008

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm SO VERY SORRY!

I didn't realize I had abandoned you for so long. Where did the time go? Oy, I must get myself more organized. I'm sorry loyal readers. I really have nothing planned for today's post, so how about I give you an update as to what is new in the life of Neda.

You all know about the new baby. Have I mentioned how much I love him? He is so sweet! My sister (Grandma) finally got to see him over the weekend. They are going to be the world's best grandparents. I loved watching them. My nephew & niece-in-law are borrowing a few more baby things, so I have them convinced to come get them, so I can do the 'official' newborn photos. I'm so excited.

My sister, brother-in-law, niece, nephew, niece-in-law, great nephew & sister's MIL came down to watch our ski show on the 4th. It was interesting considering I haven't skied since before Trinity was born. My sister had never seen me ski before. I managed to get all my moves in, but failed in staying dry. I biffed both my landings. It was a beautiful day, though.

Our 4th was pretty mellow. We had the ski show, then had a few people over & grilled. Our town has an awesome fireworks display every year. They shoot them off over the lake and they last over 30 minutes. This year I think was 40 minutes long. The bugs weren't bad and Trinity wasn't too squirmy. We got home & Mike entertained our guests while I put Trinity to bed, then I fell asleep almost right afterwards. I was so tired.

Saturday I had a wedding that was so much fun. This group was so easy to work with. I'm downloading their pictures right now & I can't wait to start editing them.

Sunday we had a BBQ at my nephew's house. It was so nice to just hang out, eat and talk. Trinity was playing frisbee (she's better than me) with her cousins (who are 30 & 28) and the dog. I've never heard her laugh so much. After the BBQ we stopped at another friends house and hung out there until it was time to head home.

All in all in was an awesome weekend where I got nothing accomplished, but I'm so glad Monday is here. I love order & structure & routine. Trinity thrives on it, so our lives are so much easier during the week.

I've been busy with pictures and editing pictures, so I apologize again for neglecting you. I'll try to be better. And I'll try to get some photos up soon.