Monday, August 25, 2008
Exaggeration versus Lying
Trinity loves pretend play. She loves to dress up as a ballerina and dance around the house or put on a cowboy hat & boots and pretend she's in a rodeo. She pretends to be a singer, a basketball player, a volleyball player, a princess, the list is quite endless. While in the pretend mode, she will often say she is giving dance lessons or teaching someone what she is doing. She loves to put on concerts and parades. While I love seeing her be creative and using her imagination I've begun to worry lately. Sometimes her pretend play leaks into reality. We will be out at Home Depot or the grocery store & she will be dancing around and someone will ask her if she is in dance & she'll state emphatically "Oh yes, I love taking my dance lessons." Except she has never taken a dance lesson in her life. Or while she is watching Michael Phelps win multiple gold medals state "I am a better swimmer than he is. I could beat him." She has been taking swim lessons for a month & has yet to swim without their flotation devices. She also claims in public that she is a wonderful horse rider and she takes singing/guitar/piano lessons. She has ridden a horse once at a fair where it went in a circle & she has never taken a music lesson in her short life. I know that part of this is her age (she's 4 1/2), but at what point do I correct her and tell her that actually what she is doing is lying. I don't want to embarrass her in public, but I also don't want people getting the wrong information. How much of this is normal and how much should I be concerned about? I'd love to get opinions from all of you. Thanks.
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6 comments:
Does she actually believe herself?
One thing I've done with Tim when reading stories is talk about "Is this really true? Would this really happen?" You don't want to squash the imagination but it's good to alert children to the idea that tasteful tall stories are okay in the right context.
I suspect she's not "lying" as such, but getting into her own little world. I guess I'd have a little chat about when it's important to tell the truth (e.g. when answering questions from other adults), when it's okay to pretend e.g. playtimes etc. She's a bright cookie and would most likely catch on quick. Also talk to her teachers and see if they have ideas.
Thank you Penny. I really appreciate your opinion.
That's a tough one, and we're going through kind of the same thing with Jake and Emily. They like to make up stories to tell people. I try to steer them away from it when it's not play time. Like, if Emily were to say something about dance lessons, but she doesn't take them, I would ask her, "You don't take dance lessons, do you?" To which I would imagine she would say No, but if she said Yes, I would probably say something like, "I don't think you do". I try to get them to correct themselves, otherwise I'll set them straight :)
Boy, do I sound mean, or what?
At her age I'm not sure they really know the difference. My son when he was that age talked like that too. We had to set a few boundries. That play time was play time, but it was important to tell the truth to adults. He grew out of it, and I'm sure your daughter will to.
I wouldn't worry about it and just enjoy her imagination. Kate does the same thing - has even told the same story about dance lessons. If I really want someone to know it isn't the truth, I just roll my eyes behind Kate's back. Now if Kate lying about hitting Jack or not breaking a dish, etc. then I would correct her.
All kids say weird crap like that. I wouldn't worry at all as far as becoming a liar goes. When my kids did something like that to a stranger, I would just comment as an aside to the person that my kids have a very rich fantasy life, and smile. It wouldn't be harmful to talk about reality versus pretend in conversations, and how when people ask questions they are interested in the real Trinity, so they would like a real answer, but it's no biggie. Maybe ask a librarian about a kids' book that deals with the subject; I always find things like that to be really helpful in communicating with my kids because we can then talk about the topic without me bringing it up like it's a Talk.
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