Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I don't understand

There are a number of things I just don't understand. (1) Why do I procrastinate on cleaning? and more to what I'm frustrated about today (2) Why are women who have a miscarriage pushed to 'get over it.' I've suffered two miscarriages before I had my daughter and I have a niece who has suffered so many she doesn't even tell people she's pregnant anymore. I have another niece who suffered a miscarriage and is now pregnant and due in June. I also have a very good friend who suffered a miscarriage last summer. I spoke to my friend this morning and she learned her SIL suffered a miscarriage with her first child and no one spoke about it. The SIL is married to a gentleman from the Middle East and he said that the differences between losing a baby here and there are night and day. Here we get insensitive 'helpful' comments like "Well, at least you didn't lose a real baby." or "It is for the best." and my favorite "You can always try again." We are not encouraged to talk about it. We are encouraged however to move on, forget about 'it', and get pregnant as soon as possible to replace what we've lost. It frustrates me that people are not only insensitive, but ignorant. I'm sorry, but every baby I lost was real, every baby my niece lost was real, maybe not to you, but to us and our husbands the babies were very real. They are still very real. We don't feel that losing a baby - ever - is for the best. Would you say that to someone who's child was just killed in a car accident - no - so don't say it to a mother who lost her unborn child. And yes, we are mothers even if there is no baby to hold in our arms.
I hope that in my ranting today the one thing I want to get across is if you don't know what to say, say that "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. Do you want a hug?" Sometimes that is all we want to hear.

1 comment:

Penny said...

I've never had a m/c but I have to agree. As soon as I was pg I thought of the entity within as a person, as a baby, and my child. Even when my logical mind knew it was a few cells.